Dying
by gregterry480
Summary: First, she knew that her sister was depressed. Then, she found out her sister was sick. Finally, she learned that her sister was dying.
1. Nightmare

"Anna?"

Anna snorted a bit as she woke up. At first she thought that the knocking on her bedroom door was only a part of her dream, but then she remembered how the past several weeks had been. With a small groan, she forced herself to sit up and light a small candle.

"You can come in, Elsa," she said with a soft yawn.

The door creaked open, and Elsa walked in, wearing a silver nightgown and a look of grave concern.

"Anna," she said. "You are alive, right?"

"Yes, Elsa," said Anna, with the same politeness she had when she answered the question every night. "I am alive."

"Oh," said Elsa. "I'm...I'm sorry to have woken you. I just..."

"You had the dream again?" Anna asked.

Elsa just nodded, and awkwardly turned to go back to her room.

"Elsa?"

"Yes, Anna?"

"If you want to talk about it, we can," Anna told her sister gently.

"I...probably shouldn't," said Elsa slowly. "I mean, it's the middle of the night. We should both get some sleep."

"I have a feeling you won't get any sleep if you go back to your room," Anna said. "You'll be too afraid of having to watch me die again."

Elsa turned away from Anna, but even in this light, she could see tears starting to form in the queen's eyes.

"Or, you could just stay and sleep with me," Anna suggested. "We won't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

Elsa didn't say anything, but slowly closed the door as quietly as she could, apparently not wanting to wake any of the castle's servants. She then carefully walked over to Anna's bed and sat herself down.

Anna studied her sister for a moment. Although Elsa had both a grace and beauty about her that came to her perfectly naturally, at the moment, she looked terrible. There were dark circles under her eyes, possibly from lack of sleep. Her hair was unkempt. And her facial expression looked like that of a person who had just seen a ghost.

"Oh, Elsa," said Anna softly, stroking her shoulders. "You poor thing..."

"I'm the Queen of Arendelle," said Elsa, sounding angry at herself. "I'm not...I shouldn't be losing sleep over...over dreams..."

"Shhhhhh," went Anna. "Everyone has dreams from time to time that haunt them. After...after our parents died, I kept having dreams where I was drowning in the ocean...or, even worse, watching them drown."

Elsa wiped her eyes and looked at Anna.

"I don't think you ever told me that before," she said.

"I...wanted to, but..." began Anna, not wanting to bring up that sore subject right now.

Elsa nodded sadly.

"I know why you couldn't," she said, looking down. "It's because I wouldn't let you."

"I know why you were doing that now," said Anna. "It's the same reason these dreams are keeping you awake at night. You never wanted to hurt me..."

Elsa swallowed hard.

"And yet, I did anyway," she said. "In fact, I...I killed you."

"Hey, I was only gone for like twenty seconds," said Anna, trying to act like coming back from the dead really wasn't a big deal. "And you didn't hurt me on purpose. You would _never_ hurt me on purpose."

"What difference does it make at the end of the day?" Elsa said, unable to look at Anna now. "Accident or not, you were still...you were still..."

"Shhhhhh," Anna went. "It's okay..."

"No, it's not, Anna," Elsa said hoarsely, and she could tell that her sister was weeping now. "Every night...every night...I see...I see your dying breath...literally...I see it coming out of your mouth..."

Anna wasn't sure what to say.

"What if...what if it happens again?" Elsa asked.

"It won't happen again," said Anna firmly.

"But what if it does?"

Anna thought for a moment.

"Well, then we'll deal with it the same way we did last time," she answered simply.

"HOW?" Elsa almost shouted. "Anna, you're only alive because you were willing to sacrifice your own life to save me. If...if Hans hadn't been a traitor...if he hadn't had his sword raised above me...if you hadn't stopped him...you would've died for real. In saving me, you saved yourself without knowing it."

"Well, I suppose I have at least one reason to be thankful for Prince Hans now," said Anna, again, trying to make this grim conversation just a little lighter.

"But if...if your heart became frozen again," said Elsa, speaking as though she were forcing the words out of herself. "We...there would be nothing I could do...there would be nothing you could do..."

"Maybe I should start wearing chest armor if it will make you feel better," said Anna.

"I'm serious, Anna!" cried Elsa, finally looking at Anna and revealing red, tear-soaked eyes. "I can't...I CAN'T watch you die again! I...I would rather die than have that happen!"

"Neither of us are going to die, Elsa," Anna tried to reassure her. "Not for a very long time, at least."

Elsa didn't seem comforted by these words.

"Look," said Anna. "Lay down on the bed. Place the blankets over yourself. We can hug each other as we sleep tonight...just like old times. Would you like that?"

Elsa didn't respond, but she did slowly get herself under the covers.

"See, that's nice, right?" said Anna, lovingly placing her arm around Elsa's shoulder. "Now for the rest of the night, you won't have to worry about me being dead, because you'll hear me snoring. I've been told I snore very loudly."

She hoped that Elsa would at least smile when she said this, but instead she just stared at Anna, as though trying to convince herself that she was in fact still alive.

"Oh, Elsa," whispered Anna. "Your dreams really do seem that real to you, don't they?"

Elsa slowly nodded.

"As real as this feels," she admitted softly.

Anna gave her sister's arm a sweet kiss.

"You'll be fine," she said. "We'll both be fine. I promise..."

But she could tell by the horrified look on Elsa's face that she wasn't convinced.

"Our parents promised us that they would be fine, too," she said bluntly.

Now it was Anna who wanted to cry. But she didn't let herself do so. Instead she forced herself to stay awake until she saw her sister's eyes close. She swore to herself that she would stay strong for Elsa no matter what.

**Author's Note: I'm not sure how frequently I'll update this one. This is by far the most serious fanfiction I've ever attempted, and it's going to take me to a very dark place emotionally. So, to keep myself from getting depressed by it, I'm going to have to write it slowly. In the meantime, my main focus will remain on _Elsa the Wicked Warden_ (or _Anna Behind Bars_, as it may soon be called), but I'll work on this one whenever my mood/state of mind allows it.**


	2. A Cup of Tea

The next few nights played out more or less the same way. Elsa would wake Anna up in the middle of the night, check to make sure she was still alive, and then usually get into bed with her. Sometimes she could get Elsa to talk about it, but most of the time she stayed very quiet, silently staring into Anna's eyes as if she was afraid that she would die if she dared to look away from them for so much as a second.

When morning finally came, Elsa would get out of bed and tend to her duties. They never discussed the sleepless nights in the light of day. And to everyone she wasn't close to, Elsa seemed perfectly fine. She remained calm and collected while discussing various things with her council, was all smiles and love whenever she was blessing a marriage or a newborn baby, and was appropriately serious when dealing with the citizens' needs, proposed royal proclamations, trading with the neighboring kingdoms, and all of the other things that made the concept of being queen seem very boring to Anna.

But when she was alone, the pain that Elsa was trying to hide was impossible to ignore. It wasn't anything like the old days, when she would lock herself in her room and Anna could only ever count on seeing her when she needed to leave in order to use the latrine. Instead, Elsa would sometimes sit by herself on a bench in the castle's ballroom, or lay herself down on the grass in the royal garden, staring ahead blankly and getting lost in her own thoughts.

The trick for Anna was deciding when it was appropriate to approach her and when it was best to leave her alone. She valued her relationship with Elsa more than anything else in the world (even the time she spent with Kristoff), but she knew that part of being there for someone meant that you sometimes had to give them space when they needed it. Whatever it was that Elsa was going through, she probably had to work at least some of it out on her own.

Still, she did make an effort to check up on how Elsa was doing during these periods, usually by asking her if there was anything that she needed. It seemed like a good way to potentially start a conversation with her, but most times Elsa would just turn to her, politely smile, and tell her that she was doing fine...even though Anna knew that she wasn't.

She sighed heavily as she put a third tea bag into a cup of boiling hot water one afternoon. Or were you supposed to use four bags? Since she had never attempted making a cup of tea on her own, she had no idea, but it was important to her that she made something nice for Elsa herself, without any help from the castle's staff.

She carefully placed the cup (which was probably way too full) on a tray, laid a few small cookies next to it, and slowly took the tray outside to her sister, who was seated in the garden under a shady tree even though it wasn't a sunny day.

"Hey," said Anna brightly. "I saw you outside here and thought you might like something, so I made you a cup of tea."

Elsa looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"_You _made tea for me?" she said. "You do know that we have servants that can do that, right?"

"Yeah, well, I felt like trying it on my own today," said Anna, cautiously lowering the tray onto the grass next to Elsa. "I put honey in there, because I know you like that."

"You didn't remove the tea bags," said Elsa, looking down at the cup uncertainly. "And you used three of them."

"Oh, so you are supposed to use four then?" said Anna, scratching her elbow awkwardly. "I knew I was wrong about something."

Elsa chuckled softly.

"I think one is usually enough," she said, removing the bags from the warm beverage one at a time. "But I suppose that I could use the boost of caffiene right now."

She took a sip and made a face.

"Did you use the whole jar of honey?" she asked her, but she was giggling a bit as she did so.

"I...may have been just a bit excessive with it," Anna admitted as she adjusted her hair a little. "I can make you another if it's too sweet for you"

"It's fine, Anna," she said. "It's the thought that counts."

She took another sip. The smile on her face went away.

"Are you...okay?" Anna asked, hoping that Elsa wouldn't respond by saying that she was and asking her to leave.

Elsa slowly shook her head.

"I'm tired, Anna," she confessed. "I'm very, very tired."

"Because of how you've been sleeping lately?" Anna asked, bringing up the subject in the daytime for the first time since Elsa's dreams began.

Elsa closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering.

"I've gotten to the point where I'm afraid to even go to sleep," she almost whispered. "I sometimes spend the entire day dreading the night because I know it just means that..."

Anna placed a hand on Elsa's shoulder.

"You're not going to freeze my heart again," she said. "You have control over your powers now. You aren't afraid of them anymore."

"What if it's not just fear I have to worry about?" Elsa asked, picking up one of the tea bags up and absentmindedly twirling it around with her finger. "I mean, we've had three wonderful years together since...what happened, but we are sisters. We are eventually going to have a fight again."

"So what?" said Anna. "Me and Kristoff argue sometimes. It's never pleasant, but we get through it."

"Kristoff doesn't have my powers," said Elsa grimly.

"Elsa, you're not going to hurt me just because you get upset with me," said Anna, hoping that she would believe her.

"You weren't there when those men tried to kill me," said Elsa, sounding ashamed of herself.

"You've told me about that," said Anna. "Those were awful assassins sent to murder you. You acted in self-defense."

"It's not that, Anna," said Elsa, and once again it sounded like she was forcing the words out of herself. "When one of them shot a crossbow at me, I closed my eyes, thinking I was done for...and then a shield of ice defended me. I hadn't even tried to make that happen! After that, it was almost as if...I wasn't myself, Anna. It was like I was acting on some kind of instinct..."

"Well, I'm never going to try to kill you," said Anna simply. "So you're never going to have to get that way with me."

"This isn't a joke, Anna," cried Elsa, and she threw the tea bag she was fiddling with into a small pond in front of her. "What if I actually had killed those men? How would I live with myself?"

"What if you had?" said Anna with a shrug. "In most kingdoms, I'm pretty sure that people who try to kill the queen are hanged. If I were you, I would've at least had them locked up, along with that horrible Duke, but all you did was cut off trade with Weselton."

"Anna..." went Elsa, sounding a bit surprised by her answer.

"Look, all I'm saying is that I wouldn't have judged you," said Anna honestly. "And besides, one of those creeps took the shot at you the instant you put your defenses down. That chandelier that collapsed as a result almost destroyed you, didn't it? They didn't deserve the mercy which you ultimately gave them."

Neither of the girls said anything for a moment. A gentle breeze blew through the garden. Elsa closed her eyes as it went through her beautiful hair, taking the air in like someone who hadn't been outside for years. Anna just watched her. Her normally confident sister looked so vulnerable and helpless right now. If only she knew how to snap her out of this.

"Anna," Elsa said slowly, breaking the silence. "You don't just freeze in my dreams..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," said Elsa, placing her arms around her shoulders and hugging herself. "Sometimes...I accidentally impale you with a giant icicle. Other times...I send you falling off a cliff and plunging to your death. But, whatever happens, it's always my fault for getting upset about something..."

Anna took Elsa by the chin and turned her face towards her's.

"Look at me," she said. "I can't imagine what you're going through. But you need to remember these are just dreams. I dreamed the other night that I actually ended up marrying Prince Hans, but I know _that_ is never going to happen for real. Just like your nightmares aren't."

She gently rubbed her sister's cheeks, like she was drying invisible tears before they had a chance to come out of Elsa's eyes.

"You're going to get through this," she said. "But you have to let me help you. I don't want...I don't want you to feel like you have to shut me out again."

Elsa picked up one of the cookies from the tray and nibbled on it.

"No, Anna," she said after swallowing. "I would never put you through that again. I owe you that much, at least..."

She stood up and stretched her arms a bit, letting out a small groan as she did so, only to look alarmed once she saw the garden's clock tower.

"I"m late for a meeting," she mumbled. "I'm sorry. I have to go. Th...thank you for the tea."

"Um...you're welcome," said Anna, looking at the almost full cup of tea that Elsa must've taken three sips from at most.

But as she watched her sister hurry off, she noticed she seemed to be struggling with each step she took. Was it exhaustion? An injury that Anna wasn't aware of? Whatever the cause of it was, Elsa was not walking like a woman who was in her early 20's, but like someone who was in the winter years of her life.

"Maybe sitting on that throne so much has made her body a bit stuff," Anna told herself. But she worried that Elsa might be hiding something from her. Her suspicions only increased when she heard the queen loudly cough.


	3. Worried

No matter what Anna did that night, she couldn't get to sleep.

She was aware she was almost certainly worried about _nothing_. So what if Elsa had coughed? Big deal if she had walked funny! It wasn't any reason to assume the worst. Her sister's body was probably just having a negative reaction to the depression she was going through right now, that's all.

Still, every time she shut her eyes, every time she came close to entering dream land, she saw Elsa struggling with each step she took. She heard her hack like an old man who had smoked too many pipes during his lifetime. And then she had to open her eyes back up again.

"No!" she yelled as she sat herself up. Where was Elsa? Was she going to show up again tonight? Unlike some other nights, where Anna would secretly wish that she wouldn't come so she could get a good night's rest, tonight she was really, really hoping that the queen would knock on her bedroom door. She wouldn't ask her about her physical health, of course. She would just welcome her with her usual open arms, brush her fingers through her long hair, and continue to promise her that everything was going to be fine.

But was it?

God, was this what Elsa was going through right now? Wanting to get to sleep but being unable to regardless of what she tried? Being haunted by only one thought no matter how much she struggled to focus on something else?

She got herself out of bed, put her slippers on, and began pacing around her bedroom.

"You don't need to be so freaked out over this," she said to herself out loud. "Your sister needs for you to be there for her right now. You can't afford to lose your mind."

It was then when there was a knock on her door.

"Anna?"

Not wanting for her sister to see her in this state, Anna quickly jumped back into bed, hoping that Elsa hadn't been able to hear her talking to herself.

"You can come in," she said, trying to make her voice sound like she had just woken up.

Elsa crept in.

"I'm guessing you know why I'm here," she said glumly.

"It's fine, Elsa," said Anna, making room for the queen on her mattress. "I'm alive. You can sleep on the left or right side of the bed tonight. I don't care which one."

"I'm not sure if I should tonight," said Elsa, looking down at her feet. "I mean, I have an early morning tomorrow, and..."

"Please sleep with me tonight," Anna blurted out, far more urgently than she meant to. "I...um...I'll make sure you don't oversleep. I'll wake you, okay?"

After softly shutting the door, Elsa slowly began tip-toeing towards her bed...but Anna looked the other way as she did so. If she saw her walking like _that_ again tonight, she had no idea what she'd do.

"Elsa," Anna whispered as she wrapped the blankets around the two of them. "You... you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do," said Elsa, but she seemed a little confused by the question. "I mean, if you didn't, why would you keep letting me bother you every night like this?"

"It's not a bother at all," said Anna, and she meant it. "For years I've missed us sharing a room. Now, it's sort of like we're making up for lost time."

Elsa half-smiled.

"I've missed it, too," she said. "But I hate waking you up so much. I feel like a baby that keeps her mother up the entire night"

"I wasn't asleep anyway tonight," Anna admitted. "So you don't have to feel bad, really."

Elsa looked at her, surprised.

"Anna, it's like three in the morning," she told her. "You really haven't gotten any sleep at all?"

"I...um...made the mistake of deciding to drink that cup of tea I made after you left," she said uncomfortably. This was only sort of true. In reality, Anna had taken only one sip, decided that it was too much for even _her _sweet tooth, and poured her failure into the garden's pond.

"Well, you _did_ put three bags in the cup," said Elsa kindly. "But next time I'm sure you'll get it right."

"Or maybe I'll just let the servants make it instead," she said with a bit of a chuckle. "It is what they're here for, right?"

"They might get bored if we didn't give them anything to do," said Elsa thoughtfully.

She watched as Elsa placed a hand over her forehead, and suddenly her sister looked truly miserable to her. Was she thinking about her nightmares? Was she stressed out from the last few weeks? Or was it...something else?

"Anna," she said after a moment, sounding like she was trying very, very hard not to cry tonight. "Could...could you do me a favor?"

"Of course," said Anna sincerely.

"Could you...could you hold my hand tonight...and not let go until morning?"

Anna grabbed Elsa's right hand and gripped it tightly.

"You'll have to pry it off when you wake up," she said with a determined grin.

Elsa said nothing after that. She just kept looking at Anna until her eyes finally shut themselves.

"You're going to be fine," Anna told her in a hushed voice. "You're going to be fine...you're going to be fine..."

_COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!_

Spit flew out of Elsa's mouth and onto Anna's face. Once her violent coughing fit was over, she let out a soft moan, but appeared to remain asleep.

Anna felt her heart sink as she clutched her sister's hand still tighter.

"You're going to be fine," she repeated, but this time she was trying to convince herself that this was true. "You're going to be fine...you're going to be fine..."

She kept repeating the words until she drifted off almost an entire hour later.


	4. Coffee with Kristoff

"Anna, please, that's your fifth cup of coffee this morning," said Kristoff to his girlfriend. "Do you want to spend the entire day squatting over a chamber pot or something?"

"I need something to keep myself awake today," said Anna wearily. "I spent the entire night worrying about Elsa."

Kristoff smirked.

"Is there any time you're _not_ worried about her?" he asked her a little cheekily.

"Oh, ha, ha, ha, you're hilarious!" said Anna sarcastically. She knew that Kristoff didn't mean any harm, but her patience was thin today.

She took a deep breath as she looked around the small coffee house where they were seated. Normally, the pleasant atmosphere of the place was enough to cheer her up when she was feeling a bit down. But on those days she was usually sad about something trivial that didn't really matter. Today she had very genuine concern for her sister's well-being.

"Elsa's not acting...normal," Anna began explaining to Kristoff, hoping that he wouldn't respond by attempting to tell another joke.

"I know she's been feeling low lately," said Kristoff. "But can't you understand why this bothers her? I mean, if it had been you who had accidentally frozen your sister's heart, don't you think you'd worry about it happening again from time to time?"

"It's not that," said Anna as she shook her head. "Elsa knows that's not going to happen. She has complete control over her powers now. Well, for the most part at least. Sometimes she'll freeze a glass of water by mistake, but apart from that..."

"It could be a bad memory that's getting to her," suggested Kristoff. "Something involving your parents maybe?"

Anna sighed.

"If that is the case, she won't tell me about it," she said sadly. This was true. Although Elsa had opened up to Anna about almost everything, the one thing she would almost never talk about were the years she spent locked in her room while her parents...did whatever it was that they had done to her. Anna had been told as a child that these were "royal lessons," preparing Elsa for the day she'd become queen. Of course, that all turned out to not be entirely true.

It wasn't that Elsa was not telling her about those days because she was holding anything against Anna, either. It was that she felt guilty speaking badly about their parents now that they were no more. Anna tried to tell her that she shouldn't feel that way, and hoped that her sister would one day be able to get those things off her chest. But she guessed it would be a long time before she was actually ready to do so.

"Look," said Anna carefully, wondering if she should even be telling Kristoff this. "I think...I think that Elsa might be getting sick..."

"What makes you say that?" asked Kristoff, slowly sipping his coffee.

"She..." Anna started to say, but suddenly she worried she might start tearing up in a public place if she got into the details, and she didn't want that. Then again, she had already begun the conversation. It wouldn't really be fair to leave Kristoff in the dark now.

"Yesterday, I saw her walking funny," she said, briefly contemplating if that statement would even make sense to his ears. "And then I heard her cough. Badly. And last night, she was in my room. She coughed again in her sleep, but it was even worse than it had been in the afternoon, and..."

"Easy, Anna," said Kristoff, who could tell that she was getting upset. "Let's just say that you're right. I cough from time to time. And you told me I walk funny."

"This wasn't a 'funny' funny kind of walk," Anna said. "It was a...I don't know how to explain it."

"People get sick, Anna," said Kristoff. "And they also get better. There's no need to believe it's something awful at this point. Don't you remember Elsa ever feeling under the weather before?"

"No," said Anna.

"No?"

"I don't...I don't ever remember Elsa being sick," said Anna slowly. "I only realized that last night. Now, maybe she had a bug or whatever without me knowing it during our time apart...but even then I would've heard her coughing and sneezing from when I was waiting outside her door, don't you think?"

Instead of making her feel better like she hoped that it would, saying these words to Kristoff out loud only caused her to feel more scared about everything.

"Maybe her magic provides some kind of immunity to this sort of thing?" Kristoff asked.

"If that's true, then why would she get sick now?" She placed her hands over her face. She was going to go out of her mind if she kept thinking like this.

"Have you asked her about it?"

"No," Anna admitted. "I don't think she needs for me to do that right now."

"Why not?"

Anna wasn't sure what to say. The honest reason she hadn't asked Elsa about this yet was because she was afraid of what her answer might be.

"I just...she's going through enough already, you know?" she said, awkwardly fiddling with a napikin that was on the table.

She knew this was a bad answer. But she also didn't really care right now.

"Well, I unfortunately have to get going," said Kristoff as he stood himself up. "I've got a lot of deliveries today, and Sven will be wondering where I am soon."

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"If you need to talk more later, let me know," he told her.

"I will," said Anna, turning her head towards the window. "And thank you."

She frowned as she watched him leave. On some level, she felt a little bad for the way she treated Kristoff sometimes. She couldn't always offer him romance when he was in the mood for it. He was very understanding about this, seeing that Anna sometimes needed him to be there as a friend and nothing more. Still, she wondered how he felt knowing that Anna might be the only person who would put her sister over her boyfriend when it came to her priorities.

She placed some money on the table (refusing the coffee house's offer to give it to her on the house due to her royal status), picked her cape up, and stepped outside. The sun was bright today. Wherever Olaf was, she knew he must be happy. Of course, Olaf was always happy no matter what was going on. She often envied him for that.

She attempted to convince herself that Kristoff was right...especially since he probably was. Maybe Anna was blowing all of this out of proportion. Maybe Elsa had been sick in the past, and the trolls had erased that from her memory without her knowing it. In any case, she knew that she at least had to _try_ to calm herself down.

She decided, once she got back to the castle, to commit her afternoon to doing things that would keep her distracted. She went to the royal library and took what felt like every book off the shelf, struggling to pay attention to the words in front of her, but all she ever read was "Once upon a time, there was a great battle from centuries ago, and Elsa was coughing horribly, and..."

Okay, so reading wasn't working.

Next were jigsaw puzzles, a universal cure for boredom...and also a known cause of it. That did no good. A trip to the garden maybe? No, that was where she had first noticed Elsa was acting sick...

The only thing that succeeded in keeping Anna occupied were her frequent and urgent trips to the privy. Kristoff had been right when he had warned about all that coffee.

It wasn't until evening, when she was talking to her old friends the paintings on the wall, that she caught a glimpse of Elsa, who was being surrounded by council members and advisers and other people who Anna couldn't for the life of her name.

"Are you sure you're okay, you're majesty?" one of them asked her, sounding concerned.

"Yes, I am," said the queen politely as they went down the hall. "I apologize for the inconvenience I caused."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, your highness," said another man. "But I've never seen you...do that at a meeting before."

"I must make a confession, gentlemen," she said with perfect grace and composure (Elsa had this stuff nailed). "I haven't been sleeping terribly well lately. I promise we will continue our conversation tomorrow, but for now, I'm afraid I must retire early."

"Of course, your majesty," all of the men said, gently bowing before their ruler.

Anna, obviously, had no idea what was going on, but she didn't like the sound of any of it. There was also something...unnatural about the way Elsa was walking down the hallway. Like she was a soldier trying to hide a limp in her leg. Whatever it was that was wrong with her, she was clearly doing her best to conceal it from her council.

She didn't dare ask what was on her mind until Elsa was out of sight.

"What happened?" she asked one of the men.

"Queen Elsa fell asleep at a meeting, your highness" he answered simply. "None of us have ever seen her do that before. But she kept letting us know she was fine when we inquired about it."

Anna felt that sinking feeling in her heart once again.

"Has she ever asked to retire early?"

"No, your highness," the man answered. "She has always seen through meetings until the end, no matter how long they take. But she is human. Everyone needs their rest sometimes."

And with that, the men all left, quietly talking with each other, leaving Anna all alone, with only the pictures on the wall to keep her company. She got no comfort from them.


	5. Elsa's Gift

"Anna, you don't have to worry about me," Elsa told her sister as they both spread their feet out across Anna's bed. "Yes, it was highly embarrassing to fall asleep at the meeting like that. But with the way I've been at night for a while now, something like this happening was inevitable."

Anna just looked at Elsa. Somehow, bathed in the radiant moonlight that was coming from the bedroom window, she looked even more breathtaking than usual. How could she look so lovely and so worn out at the same time? It was a gift that Anna did not possess. Whenever she was tired (which was usually every other morning), she knew that there were plenty of words that could be used to describe her, but "beautiful" certainly wasn't one of them.

"What is it?" Elsa asked, apparently noticing the way that Anna was staring at her.

"I just...feel a little guilty," Anna confessed uneasily.

"Guilty?" said Elsa, seeming puzzled. "Whatever would you feel guilty for?"

Anna exhaled.

"It's just that...for years I wanted nothing more than to see you be happy," she said, stroking her sister's arm. "And then, once I was finally able to witness you feeling joyful again, I began to take your smile for granted. And with how sad you've been recently..."

Elsa gave Anna a pleasant look.

"Oh, Anna," she said gently. "Just because I've been depressed doesn't mean I don't find reasons to smile."

"Like what?"

"For one thing, having you in my life," she answered sincerely.

Anna felt her face turn red.

"Oh, stop flirting with me," she said teasingly. "You know I have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"Oh, really?" said Elsa slyly. "Then how come I'm the one you're sleeping with?"

They both giggled. What music Elsa's laughter was to Anna's ears, especially after hearing her horrible cough in her head over and over and over again.

Oh, yeah. That. For a brief moment, Anna had almost forgotten about it.

"Elsa," she said slowly. "Do you mind if I ask you...a question?"

"Not at all," Elsa replied.

Anna swallowed hard. She couldn't do it. She couldn't. She thought she was ready to ask Elsa about her health, but now...

"Could...could you make it snow?" she asked the queen softly.

"Anna, it's the middle of the night," Elsa began, not seeming terribly eager to use her powers at this hour.

"That didn't used to stop us," Anna whispered.

"I don't know," said Elsa, still sounding slightly reluctant. "I mean you have a lot of books and stuff in your room that my snow could ruin..."

"We could do it in the ballroom," Anna suggested. "Like...you tell me we used to."

"What if we get caught?"

"Elsa, we're not kids anymore," Anna reminded her sister kindly. "I don't think we have to be concerned about that."

For a moment, Anna was certain that Elsa would say no, but then she saw a small tinkle in her sister's eyes.

"Alright, I'll do it," she conceded. "But I don't want to wake anyone up."

"Don't worry," said Anna, hopping out of bed. "I know you hate it whenever you disturb the servants at night."

"I think you're the one who usually disturbs them with your snoring," said Elsa playfully.

Anna tried to think of a witty comeback to her sister's remark, but then noticed that Elsa seemed to be having trouble getting out of the bed.

It was as though she wasn't allowed to forget about this for more than a minute at a time.

"Hey, sis," said Anna, trying to make her voice sound normal. "Do you need some help?"

Elsa turned and looked at Anna, and for a split second, she almost looked like a ghost.

"I can manage, Anna," said Elsa politely. "I'm just tired, that's all."

"Let me rephrase what I just said then," said Anna, failing this time to make her voice seem calm. "I _want_ to help you. Please allow me to do so."

Elsa closed her eyes, placing a hand over her forehead. She exhaled deeply.

"Okay," she said, but the sadness in her voice was clear.

Anna carefully took her sister's arms and helped her get to her feet. She forced herself to smile, not wanting for Elsa to know just how concerned she was about her.

Holding hands, the two them made their way out the door and down the stairs, eventually arriving at the ballroom where so many of Anna's altered memories took place. Sometimes it depressed her to no end that she couldn't remember things as they had actually happened. Sure, it was great that she could still feel nostalgic about the fun they had enjoyed as kids. But the sheer wonder that she must've experienced when seeing Elsa use her magic for the first time as a child? That was something that Anna would've loved to have memorized.

Elsa gracefully sat herself down on the floor, her legs crossed, almost as if she were getting ready for meditation.

"I can't do anything too fancy," she said. "I mean, it's very late, and I may not be in my best form, and..."

"Elsa, don't be so modest," said Anna eagerly. "_Anything_ you do is going to be amazing."

Elsa closed her eyes, rubbed her hands together, and began to create a soft, bright light from within herself. Tossing it into the air like a ball, it burst into tiny sparkles, causing snowflakes to fall from an invisible cloud that was floating near the ceiling.

Oh, how perfect Elsa's snowflakes were. They were cold, of course, but not in an unpleasant way. They didn't make your nose run, never made you shiver, and didn't make you want to get as close to a fireplace as possible. Instead, Elsa's snow was soft and soothing, and feeling it on your skin was almost like stepping into a bathtub in which the water was just the right temperature.

She let just enough of it fall to the floor before she laid herself down on her back, then waved her hands back and fourth to make a snow angel. Elsa smiled at her lovingly.

"I've seen you do this countless times now," said Anna in awe of what was around her. "And yet, I never get over how magnificent it is."

"Thank you," said Elsa, blushing just a bit. "But it's nothing, really. It's only me doing what comes naturally, that's all."

"I wonder how our parents would feel if they could see us now," said Anna.

"They'd probably be very cross," said Elsa somewhat bitterly. "There was a reason we would always sneak down here at night to do this."

"I'll have to take your word on that," said Anna, deciding that this probably wasn't the best time to discuss the past.

They were both too tired to build a snowman, and Elsa didn't even seem to have the energy to make a snow angel of her own. So the two sisters just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, allowing for the snowflakes to gently coat their bodies in a fluffy, white blanket.

Anna knew that, sooner or later, she would have to confront Elsa about her health. She didn't know what was going to happen when she did. But right now, it didn't matter. None of it did. She was with her sister, who was more precious to her than anyone else in the world. Surrounded by the beauty of her gift, everything felt perfect.

_If there's a heaven, this must be what it feels like_, Anna thought peacefully as she closed her eyes.

She wanted for the moment to never end.


	6. Lord Stanford

Over the next few days, Anna didn't get to see much of her sister. Falling asleep at the meeting and retiring early had apparently set Elsa behind on her royal duties, and she was spending her time catching up with the things she had to do. There were new buildings that were awaiting her approval before construction could begin. There were discussions that needed to be had regarding the kingdom's complicated relationship with the Southern Isles following the betrayal of Prince Hans. And various preparations were required for Arendelle's upcoming ball to celebrate the summer solstice.

After dark, Elsa still came to Anna's room, but there was something...different about it now. She'd still talk with her sister if she was in the mood for it, and would quietly comfort and hug her even if she wasn't. Once Elsa was finally able to get to sleep, she'd just watch her softly snore (and God, how was Elsa able to make _snoring_ seem ethereal?), wishing that she knew how to get her to forget about the nightmares that were haunting her so badly...

Except that...she wasn't mentioning the nightmares anymore. Nor was she asking Anna if she was still alive. She wasn't checking to make sure that Anna was still breathing, placing her head against her chest to feel her heartbeat, or any of the other things that she had been doing when her depression had first started. Had the dreams stopped? Anna had to assume that they had. So why was Elsa still so troubled?

In her heart, Anna was afraid she might already know the answer to that question. And yet, she never did the find the courage to ask Elsa about it. She tried to, of course. She even imagined how the conversation would go in her head...but never liked how she pictured the outcome.

"You know, you're going to keep feeling worse and worse until you talk with her about it," said Kristoff one afternoon as he loaded ice onto his sled. "And I still think you're driving yourself crazy over nothing."

"This has been going on for weeks, Kristoff," Anna said bitterly, feeling so down that not even Sven's licks on her face were enough to cheer her up (or gross her out, as they often did). "I know there's something she's not telling me. I can feel it."

"I'm sure she'll tell you if you ask her," said Kristoff, acting as though it was the simplest thing in the world to ask your sister if she was sick when you never remembered her being ill before. "And the sooner you do so, the sooner you'll feel better about everything."

"And what if she tells me something I don't want to hear?" asked Anna, folding her arms and starting to get slightly annoyed with her boyfriend.

"Anna, think about this from a realistic perspective," said Kristoff as he hooked his pet reindeer up to his sled. "Elsa's young. As far as you know, she's always been healthy. Maybe having and using ice powers just makes you exhausted from time to time."

"Maybe," Anna mumbled, not sure what else to say.

"Look, please, just promise me you'll discuss it with her tomorrow, okay?" Kristoff said as he gently yet firmly held her by the shoulders. "I hate seeing you on edge like this. You're normally so full of optimism."

Anna just looked down at her shoes. As great as Kristoff was to her, his patience could only go but so far. Elsa's condition was all she talked about with him anymore. She couldn't even remember the last time they had spoken about...well, each other.

"Fine," Anna said reluctantly. "I'll...I'll talk about it with her tomorrow."

She regretted making the promise almost as soon as she had made it, but there was no going back from it now.

Kristoff gently smiled at her, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and then left with Sven, leaving poor Anna all alone to dread her conversation with her sister tomorrow.

It was early afternoon, and she figured it might be good if she forced herself to eat something. Normally, it was hard for Anna to control herself whenever good food was on a table in front of her, but recently she had been so troubled that she had actually been skipping meals. Whenever Anna was worried about something, she found that she just didn't have her usual appetite. But today, she knew she'd need a distraction of some sort, so she went to the kitchen and had the cooks make her a sandwich.

She sat down in the castle's large dining hall, surprised to see a member of Elsa's royal council seated there. Or, at least, she assumed he was from Elsa's council judging from the way he was dressed. The truth of the matter was, Anna wasn't very good at remembering faces or names. Yet another thing that Elsa was much better at than she was, and yet another reason that Anna was thankful she wasn't queen.

"Pardon me, your highness," the man said when he noticed here. "I wasn't expecting you to be having your lunch here at this hour. If you prefer, I can leave and finish my food elsewhere."

"Oh, no, you're fine," said Anna, only a little uncomfortably. "Honestly, I thought you'd still be at my sister's meeting, Mr..."

The man got up from his chair and gave her a small bow.

"Stanford, your highness," he said. "Lord Stanford. Chief Adviser on the Queen's Royal Council."

Anna blushed a bit as he sat back down.

"I probably should've known that about you," said Anna with a bit of a nervous chuckle. "It sounds like a really important position. Are you like the Hand of the Queen then?"

"No, your highness," Stanford said, taking a sip from a glass of wine. "The Queen keeps informing me that she's saving that position for someone else. I'm just providing the help she needs until she fills it."

"Oh," said Anna, not sure what to say after that. Why didn't she take the time to ask Elsa what her days were like? She'd be a lot better at making conversation in situations like this if she did.

"To answer your inquiry," Stanford continued. "I'm afraid I had to take a break from your sister's royal meeting. A man of my age is of no use when it comes to planning out a royal ball."

"Oh, that might be the _only_ thing I'd be good at helping Queen Elsa out with," Anna said, glad that she could at least find something to say on this subject. "I love balls, and I'm a...fairly decent dancer, if I do say so myself. I keep wanting to teach my sister, but she's always so busy, being in charge of the kingdom and everything."

She was worried about how silly and inexperienced about these things that she must sound to him, but Stanford just gave her a smile.

"Perhaps you should take my place on the council on days like today," he said. "As I said, I am too old to concern myself with such things."

Anna studied Stanford for a moment. He really didn't appear to be that old to her at all, and to her eyes looked like he was anywhere between 30 and 40. He was a bit stout, with a hint of facial hair that perhaps could stand to be shaved off. But what man didn't have things like a slightly big belly and an unneeded beard at...whatever his age was?

"You don't remember me, do you?" he asked her as he placed some baked potato into his mouth.

"Ummmm," went Anna, now feeling embarrassed that she didn't. "Should I?"

"Perhaps not," said Stanford. "You were younger at the time, and you probably didn't see me very much. I was a member of your father's council back in the day."

"Oh, you were?" said Anna, who still honestly had no memory of him. "When was this?"

"Longer ago than it probably seems," said Stanford, looking towards the window as though he were trying to remember. "I think that Queen Elsa was in her early teens at the time."

Anna just nodded her head. She wanted to ask him questions about her father, about how much he saw Elsa during that time, and whether or not he was aware of her powers. But she worried those questions might seem too personal. Instead, she just settled on asking him about a topic that she didn't care about.

"How come you didn't stay on my father's council?"

Lord Stanford cleared his throat and swallowed another sip of wine before responding.

"I had...a personal tragedy in my family," he said, acting as though he was choosing his words very carefully. "The King was kind enough to grant me early retirement after that, and I was able to live comfortably. Of course, I didn't know at the time what would happen to the King and his beloved Queen. If I had, I would've insisted on staying."

"I'm...sorry," said Anna, realizing that she hadn't chosen a "safe" question after all. "I...I didn't know..."

"Nothing to apologize for, your highness," he answered with a small shrug.

"So, when did you become involved with my sister?"

"Well, after certain members of her council proved...less than loyal to the monarchy during the frozen summer, the Queen decided that she needed some fresh blood," said Stanford, sounding a lot more casual now. "I was always kind to your sister back when I was on your father's council, so I guess she must've remembered that."

So he had seen Elsa back then! Her mind once again filled itself with questions, the ones that Elsa wasn't comfortable answering about their parents. She wanted to know if she seemed happy, if he noticed anything "special" about her, if he ever remembered her being sick...

Sick.

The word struck her like a brick to the head. For her entire conversation with Stanford, she had forgotten about her promise to Kristoff.

"Are you alright, your highness?" Stanford asked her. "You've barely touched your sandwich."

"Oh, I guess I just...got involved in our conversation," said Anna, picking up her sandwich and stuffing it in her mouth, not caring about how ridiculous she must've looked doing so.

"Well, I'm afraid I must be on my way," said Stanford, slowly getting to his feet and giving her another bow. "It was a pleasure talking with you, your highness. I'm sure you would be a great ruler of this kingdom if you ever had the chance."

"Thans, but I weally wouldn't be," Anna was barely able to say as her mouth was still extremely full. She chewed for a long time and made an effort to swallow before continuing, certain that her face must be turning a bit red. "And besides, no one could be a greater leader than Elsa."

"I can't argue with you there, your highness," said Stanford, although it was hard for Anna to tell if he was being sincere when he said that (but maybe she was only suspicious about that because she had trouble trusting anyone she didn't know after what had happened with Hans). With yet another bow, he turned and made his way out of the dining hall. She wondered why she had no memory of him from her childhood, but even as a girl, being queen was never of great interest to her. Perhaps she had seen him many times, but wasn't paying attention because she was too busy talking to paintings or riding her bike all by herself.

But as she finished her sandwich at a glacier pace (she wasn't even sure what kind of cold meat was in it), her attention went elsewhere, taken over once again by images of her sister coughing horribly. She felt her entire body shake when she thought about what would happen the next day. Tomorrow, she would finally talk with her sister about this. Tomorrow, she would finally know the truth.


End file.
